It's a beautiful night.

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The world is full of...

So this is what I get for leaving the apartment-

I walk to get lunch at the corner, and on the way back, a young (coincidentally black) man was coming up the street towards me. I smiled, and he asked "Can I join you?" I laughed (and clutched my keys a little tighter, out of habit) and said "not this time, I got stuff to do!". Even as I said that though, instinct kicked in and I wasn't as scared as I (maybe) should have been. His energy was calm, and kind. He stopped and said, "Well, maybe another time?", to which I replied "You never know!" and smiled again. He stepped a little closer to me, and said, "You are a beautiful and very kind person. Have a great day".

I wondered even as I was wishing him the same, if he said that because a little white girl didn't run from a very fit black man.

His last words are going to stick with me for quite a long time.

Makes me think about "other people", if I was so strikingly "kind" in a single moment of conversation with him. And why in that same moment, I let my little-white-girl guard down and "let him in".

Own it.

I have earned my own existence. There's much yet to come, more power, more passion, more potential. But I own it. It's mine. No one can take it away from me. Now, as I lie here listening to my sleeping love, I realize. I made this come to be. Yes, I'm beyond lucky. But I worked for this. From the moment I was born, I've been fighting. I'll never be anything but a fighter. I'm a survivor. I survived, and now I am here. In my proper place. Whether for five minutes or fifty years. It's mine.

I am master and commander.

What a relief.
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Things I've learned

• I'm really, really good at making detailed lists, post its, etc
• There is nothing good on television between about 11 am and 3 pm.
• I am in love with someone who is conveniently my best friend
• Gelsons? Expensive.
• I'm okay with being alone, but I'm way better when I'm with him.
• I hate when people leave their laundry in the only washing machine on our floor. (okay, there are two. But this one is closest to ME.)
• College people don't care how many seats are open in their classes... YOU CAN'T COME IN.
• Explorers is an awesome movie!
• I still love Myrna Loy
• West Side Story one sheets can TOTALLY make a room
• Owning your own car is a whole different kind of anxiety
• You CAN make a meal of triscuits, carrots, string cheese, and grapes
• When they say you should vacuum carpet after you put it in.... they mean it. You'll never get all the undercoat-like fuzz out otherwise. Black socks beware.
• Sloppy Joes can really stink up a place
• I'm okay with being relied upon, and that's when I function best.
• Gastritis SUCKS.
• Love = anxiety. In the best way.

So maybe I'm in a little bit over my head. But I'm happy.

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici