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Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

Quote of today

"Life just keeps happening, doesn't it?" -- My Dad

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

Goodnight.

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

"That's the most beautiful thing you could have ever given me."

"Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch. It is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must NEVER let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. "
Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

Seize the Day

Earlier this morning I got a phone call from Henner (yes, the guy with the Brat).

"My friend just called me and I'm meeting him. I just didn't want you to think I was having a seizure or anything"

I thanked him, told him to have fun, and hung up. And it hit me.

Seizures are a part of my every day now. Henner had a brain tumor, and 3 years ago February had it removed. All in all he's an incredibly healthy man who's lucky to be alive. However, he has to be on anti-seizure medication, and has some other small indicators of brain damage. Things we can laugh about. Sure when he takes a picture you'll be lucky if you're still in the frame, and he spills stuff a lot, but he's ALIVE. So the seizures, when they happen, we deal with (I do very little besides provide emotional support) and wait for them to pass. They're rare, and relatively mild compared to some. I make sure from time to time that he's eaten and remind him to take a break from "brain-tiring" tasks when he gets in too deep. Anything I can do to help his brain stay comfortable I do. Simple and well worth it.

When I was little, my only experience with seizures was through my godfather (a man I won't be mentioning again any time soon). He had (supposedly) the big, scary truly seizing-seizures. They terrified me when I was small and suddenly he'd sit or lay down and shake for what seemed to me like hours (minutes, if that, of course). I have so many other bad memories with him that even the word "seizure" put a bad image in my mind.

That is, until Henner.
Henner showed up at the perfect time for me. My godfather was no longer a part of my life (my choice), I was transitioning into adulthood, and I needed not only a good adult male role model (besides my dad), but a good friend. He has taught me to be joyful, and to have childlike curiosity and enthusiasm. He's made me happy to be me. He's completely changed my life for the better. And because of him, I'm not afraid any more. The seizures are just a small example of that. I know he'll be there to hold my hand, or I'll be there to hold his; whether he falls or I do, we'll go down together.

I'm not afraid anymore.
Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

"Lose yourself."

Otherwise known as The Black Swan blog.

(A much more dynamic poster if you ask me)

I'll start by saying this - I loved it.

I went in with incredibly high expectations. Ballet PLUS psychological thriller PLUS Natalie Portman is a combination practically built for someone like me. I knew I'd probably be disappointed, but to my wild satisfaction, I was totally blown away. As someone involved in the theatrical world, it was so easy to identify to the characters themselves. Every character introduced instantly had a persona that I understood, or I knew. The jealous stage mom, the rebellious dancer, the bitter "dying swan", and so on. There's something to be said for a film that you can go into thinking "I know that person," "I've worked with them," or, as I found myself saying "That's me".

I never once felt that this film catered to the "mainstream" crowd, or worse, bashed them over the head with stereotypes or even truth of a dancer's life. The stories and happenings and small tics and quirks laid out in front of you were remarkably true to life and very subtle. We all know dancers face ridiculous expectations of their physical being, so seeing Nina (Natalie Portman) watching her diet and even throwing up on a few occasions, while being very quietly and gracefully shown, is not altogether unexpected. Nothing new or shocking is thrown at you in that sense. Bloody toes, stick thin girls, jealousy, anger, even hatred of the girl who is "better than you", those are all parts of a dancer (or performer's) daily life, and all of these facets were displayed with ease and without propagating anything or condemning anyone.

Then we get to the nitty gritty story side of things. If you haven't seen the film, I will definitely try not to spoil anything. If you're skittish, feel free to look away, as I might not be able to contain my thoughts entirely. Check in again soon.

This film is being advertised as a "Psychological Sexual Thriller". I even saw it billed online as a "Wicked Psycho-Sexual Thriller". Please, please remember that as you head to the theatre. (I'm talking to you, lady who brought your 8 year old kid). It's rated R for a reason, and it's a THRILLER. There's blood, there are scary images, and there is sex. Don't bring your kids, and be prepared to be uncomfortable. It WILL be worth it. I hate using this phrase but it truly is very tastefully done, and not in the least gratuitous. Even the sex scene (learn more about it here) is almost entirely implied and not at all explicit (which works beautifully). All in all the whole film is artfully & gracefully done, and I was very impressed with that facet.

A quick note about the cast:
There's not a weak one among them. From Winona Ryder as Beth to Barbara Hershey as Nina's mom, Erica, they all have incredible depth of emotion and character. Obviously the writing is a huge part of it, but truly every single actor worked their tails off to make this film such an amazing work of art.

I did, however, have one disappointment.

The score.

Here's what I hate about film scores: They force emotions upon you. There are exceptions, of course. But why on earth would I want you to tell me that I'm about to be scared? Or make me have to be sad? While the use of Tchaikovsky's "Swan Lake" in this score is beautiful (everything from rehearsal piano to a full orchestra to Nina's ringtone) everything else is way overdone and something I could have done without. I would love to go back and watch the film sans music. There's something even more tense and sinister about silence in suspenseful moments. I wish I could see THAT version of the film.

That being said... this film stuck with me, and will for some time. It got inside my brain in unexpected ways, and it made me evaluate my own perception of myself and of my idea of "perfection". Definitely more than worth the price of admission. Two thumbs up, Five stars, yada yada yada.

In a word, even with the small flaws I noticed and the complaints I know other people have...

It was perfect.