Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Limbo

I hate it. I have two homes that aren't quite my home. I fall asleep every night feeling so far away, and so left behind. I try really hard to keep a brave face but I'm scared to death and mostly because of what the situation does to ME and MY LIFE so I feel selfish and I know I'm an idiot and I cry and then feel stupid for crying and ...

I'm so happy. And so afraid of everything that could and is going wrong. I should be the happiest I've ever been and while I am, I'm also stressing about things beyond my control that could in the long run effect my happiness.

I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm a wreck and I wish I could fix it.

This sucks.

And now I feel stupid again.


Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

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1 comment:

  1. Mike C.June 8, 2011 at 11:58 PM

    Don't ever feel stupid for feeling. Repeat it until you get it.
    As for the rest of it, well... you could be 10, 18 or 43 or 67 and still be asking, fearing, enjoying, confusing the same things... so there's nothing wrong or unnatural going on.
    We're wired to be this way, all of us. Just, most of us don't want to be aware of that fact so we contrive crap to hide behind, medicate below, ignore above.
    Be happy that you are at least being totally honest with yourself about how you feel. It's rare.
    Oh, and SMILE, your life is amazing even when it sucks -- I needn't remind you how much worse so many others have things.
    Be good to yourself.

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