Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

Summer!

Bloody, bruised, abraded knees.
Sunblock smell.
Sweatshirts and shorts being a totally legitimate and comfortable outfit together.

There are some things that just are summer. These are 3. I'll post more soon when I'm not totally zonked from work and play. But man... I really love Summer. It's no Autumn, but it makes me smile anyway.

Someone remind me of this in, say, mid July, when I'm working outside all day in the 100 + degree heat. Thank you.

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

Staring down the summer rollercoaster

Here we are, creeping up the first hill. Oh boy. Thoughts are appreciated as are monetary donations.

Or. Er.

Well anyway.

I get worried, often, about posting "things of value", which is why I don't post too much. I want it to mean something. But then... Who am I doing it for? Who do I THINK is going to care that much?

This is for me. So. Here I am.

Here's a picture of something (well, 3 things) that makes me happy. Til next time, I'ma watch mindless TV and wait for the anxiety to hit.
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Limbo

I hate it. I have two homes that aren't quite my home. I fall asleep every night feeling so far away, and so left behind. I try really hard to keep a brave face but I'm scared to death and mostly because of what the situation does to ME and MY LIFE so I feel selfish and I know I'm an idiot and I cry and then feel stupid for crying and ...

I'm so happy. And so afraid of everything that could and is going wrong. I should be the happiest I've ever been and while I am, I'm also stressing about things beyond my control that could in the long run effect my happiness.

I don't even know what I'm saying. I'm a wreck and I wish I could fix it.

This sucks.

And now I feel stupid again.

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Sometimes it wraps around my heart in a white knuckled grip, and living or dying, I am weak and afraid.

I can't kill the fear. I can only ignore it for so long. But I can embrace it, hold it, feel it inside me... And let it go.

But every time- every breath, every step, every moment- is a process.

And then - a soft, hoarse laugh. One more time.

Come, again, once more. Release. Breathe.
Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

Thought for a day, thought for a lifetime

"Let all of life be an unfettered howl. Like the crowd greeting the gladiator. Don't stop to think, don't interrupt the scream, exhale, release life's rapture. Everything is blooming. Everything is flying. Everything is screaming, choking on its screams. Laughter. Running. Let-down hair. That is all there is to life."- Vladimir Nabokov
Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

My mantra

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Sweet dreams

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici

It's time for one of those posts...

If you have something to say about me, say it to my face. Don't make me the bad guy without asking better of me. And never, ever tell me I "wouldn't understand".

I'm tired.
Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici