"Lose yourself."

Otherwise known as The Black Swan blog.

(A much more dynamic poster if you ask me)

I'll start by saying this - I loved it.

I went in with incredibly high expectations. Ballet PLUS psychological thriller PLUS Natalie Portman is a combination practically built for someone like me. I knew I'd probably be disappointed, but to my wild satisfaction, I was totally blown away. As someone involved in the theatrical world, it was so easy to identify to the characters themselves. Every character introduced instantly had a persona that I understood, or I knew. The jealous stage mom, the rebellious dancer, the bitter "dying swan", and so on. There's something to be said for a film that you can go into thinking "I know that person," "I've worked with them," or, as I found myself saying "That's me".

I never once felt that this film catered to the "mainstream" crowd, or worse, bashed them over the head with stereotypes or even truth of a dancer's life. The stories and happenings and small tics and quirks laid out in front of you were remarkably true to life and very subtle. We all know dancers face ridiculous expectations of their physical being, so seeing Nina (Natalie Portman) watching her diet and even throwing up on a few occasions, while being very quietly and gracefully shown, is not altogether unexpected. Nothing new or shocking is thrown at you in that sense. Bloody toes, stick thin girls, jealousy, anger, even hatred of the girl who is "better than you", those are all parts of a dancer (or performer's) daily life, and all of these facets were displayed with ease and without propagating anything or condemning anyone.

Then we get to the nitty gritty story side of things. If you haven't seen the film, I will definitely try not to spoil anything. If you're skittish, feel free to look away, as I might not be able to contain my thoughts entirely. Check in again soon.

This film is being advertised as a "Psychological Sexual Thriller". I even saw it billed online as a "Wicked Psycho-Sexual Thriller". Please, please remember that as you head to the theatre. (I'm talking to you, lady who brought your 8 year old kid). It's rated R for a reason, and it's a THRILLER. There's blood, there are scary images, and there is sex. Don't bring your kids, and be prepared to be uncomfortable. It WILL be worth it. I hate using this phrase but it truly is very tastefully done, and not in the least gratuitous. Even the sex scene (learn more about it here) is almost entirely implied and not at all explicit (which works beautifully). All in all the whole film is artfully & gracefully done, and I was very impressed with that facet.

A quick note about the cast:
There's not a weak one among them. From Winona Ryder as Beth to Barbara Hershey as Nina's mom, Erica, they all have incredible depth of emotion and character. Obviously the writing is a huge part of it, but truly every single actor worked their tails off to make this film such an amazing work of art.

I did, however, have one disappointment.

The score.

Here's what I hate about film scores: They force emotions upon you. There are exceptions, of course. But why on earth would I want you to tell me that I'm about to be scared? Or make me have to be sad? While the use of Tchaikovsky's "Swan Lake" in this score is beautiful (everything from rehearsal piano to a full orchestra to Nina's ringtone) everything else is way overdone and something I could have done without. I would love to go back and watch the film sans music. There's something even more tense and sinister about silence in suspenseful moments. I wish I could see THAT version of the film.

That being said... this film stuck with me, and will for some time. It got inside my brain in unexpected ways, and it made me evaluate my own perception of myself and of my idea of "perfection". Definitely more than worth the price of admission. Two thumbs up, Five stars, yada yada yada.

In a word, even with the small flaws I noticed and the complaints I know other people have...

It was perfect.

The love of my life.

So maybe it's not your idea of beauty.
But it sure is mine.


JK Rowling once said the following:

"He’s always there when you need him, that’s Ron Weasley. Sean was the first of my friends to pass his driving test. And, um, he had this old Ford Anglia, old claptrap Ford Anglia – turquoise and white – which is now quite famouse as the car that the Weasley’s drive. Well I was obviously going to give the Weasley’s Sean’s old car. And that car was freedom to us. And my heart still lifts when I see an old Ford Anglia, which is a bit sad."

My Ford Anglia is a Subaru Brat. My Sean is a really cool guy named Henner. He's been driving the silly thing for longer than I've been alive. And he called me as I was typing this to talk about it. That's how deeply he loves the car. He passed that love on to me. 

Bi-Drive Recreational All Terrain Transport.

The love of my life.

Now.

A Christmas Story on the tv.
Wrapping paper hell scattered all around me.
A fire in the fire place. 
My sweetest godson asleep on the couch.
Chocolate Chip cookies and coffee.
WAY too many plans for the next week.
Rain.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

500 pageviews!

I sorta missed it, okay?
So it's 502.
502 is my new favorite number.

thanks, you guys.

A picture's worth a million words... par deux

"Remember, remember..."

"And it is not an idea that I miss, it is a man... A man that made me remember the Fifth of November. A man that I will never forget."

I have a lot to say to you.
Too much.


Thank you.

I'm sorry.

How could you.

I love you.

Get it all out. It's good for the soul.
Funny what you could have done if you had followed your own advice. But I suppose that if you wear a mask long enough, you forget who you are underneath. I don't know who you were by the end. But I know I miss you. And I'm angry. And I'm sad. I'm going to make you proud, and I'm going to do better.


~Don't Postpone Joy~

"You have really got something... special."

I love the internet.

One of the reasons I love the internet is because I have so many beautiful friends there.

This is about one of my beautiful friends.

Her name is Dominique.

I have never been so confident in the term "soul sisters" as I am with her.

She shines like a beacon in this dark world. She is true kindness and beauty and love. She is depth and passion.

She has saved me from myself more times than I can count. Whether sending me a virtual hug or asking just at the right time what's wrong, or what I need.

We laugh together. A lot. Surprisingly often.

We have that perfect in depth conversation-through-silence relationship.

She is the perfect example of what I think every woman should be. Smart, witty, sensitive, strong, vulnerable, beautiful.

She's become a part of my day to day life, and if we don't talk, I miss her.

I often miss her.

We were meant to find each other, and I believe that. There's a theory that a "soul mate" isn't someone you should be romantically involved with, or even only one person. You have several, throughout your life, who are there to change you or teach you something.

I think Dom is one of my soul mates.

And the funny thing is... we've never met.

a picture's worth a million words

(and that way nobody gets hurt)

photo by jennifer broski

The World is Full of Beautiful Things.

Everything is a potential instrument, it depends on how you use it. I remember I was doing Swordfishtrombones and somebody took a stool -- a metal stool -- and started dragging it across the studio floor to move it out of the way. And I said, "That's really thrilling. Do that again and abundantly and carefully and repeatedly, please." It sounded like bus brakes on a big city bus. So I like things that fall outside of the spectrum of what we consider traditional instruments and acceptable sound. I love all that. - Tom Waits

This is a blog about hair.

Well. Sort of.

This. Is Sxip Shirey. 

Who is Sxip, you ask?
Well according to his website, Sxip Shirey is a "composer and performer who lives in New York City. His music is beautiful, surprising, deep and will twist your head right around. Ecstatic melody, unimaginable sounds and deep sexy beats played Industrial Flutes, Bullhorn Harmonicas, Regurgitated Music Box, Triple Extended Pennywhistls, Miniature Hand Bell Choir, Obnoxiophone, Glass Bowls With Red Marbles, human beat box and a clutch of curious objects"
According to his twitter, he's... um. "mutant harmonicas, industrial flutes, regurgitated music boxes and pretty melodies.", apparently. (Hey, that's what his "about me" says!"
According to me, he's a true artist. The way artist's are supposed to be.

I mean- who do YOU know who plays the obnoxiophone?

Watch this. Just start here.

This reminds me of those amazing Russian sand animation things... only in music form.
Which... is sort of the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I actually first heard Sxip's work in this film,  written by Neil Gaiman, and starring Bill Nighy (And Amanda Palmer, if you ask me). Listen- I'm  a cinema nerd. I am. But I have never so appreciated a score as I did here. It's haunting,  and beautiful, and just the slightest bit disconcerting - which really drives the whole piece.

So I started paying closer attention. Amanda Palmer certainly was chatting him up, and so was Jason Webley. And then the whole Evelyn Evelyn thing happened (have you seen them?) and I missed out on seeing that live, but I listened, and watched videos, and started really really digging this crazy guy's stuff. Also --- his hair had a twitter account. That's how amazing it is. No really. @sxipshireyshair. In a traditional Team Chaos fashion, they were breaking the mold, and starting a twitter account during a show. Amanda, Sxip, Jason, everyone involved.

And that sold me.
So I requested  Sxip on facebook (after asking his permission on twitter. I'm no stalker) and sat back to enjoy the show.

Sxip's profile pic when I added him. Neato, huh?

I mean - watch this. Listen to every piece. The driving bass reminds me of "Big in Japan" by Tom Waits, but then the vocal comes in with a hip hop/soul sort of vibe. Then there's crazy tuba, and this wild harmonica and... wait. Listen for the sirens.

Yeah, really, you want to buy the album.


Who IS Sxip? He's angst, he's passion, he's art, he's pain, he's love, he's joy. And yeah... he has really flip hair.

feast your eyes.